It's 10pm on a Tuesday night & I am playing in my head over & over everything I need to accomplish this week. Can I get it all done? Will I do it well? Hopefully I don't forget anything. Will that work for them? What will they think of this?
These are common thoughts I have as a "people pleaser". I often try to do things on other peoples' time schedules or according to someone else's standard. I rarely say "no," and I complicate my life with unnecessary stress by trying to do it all.
Recently, I started a Journal Devotional that was recommended during a Ladies Conference in Wisconsin. For some reason, writing out my thoughts and observations seems to help me make wiser decisions & be more focused. I have started writing my prayers to God in the form of observations & goals. He knows the intents of my heart for doing this. As someone who everyone refers to as "a talker," it is a nice change of pace to sit in silence (as much as can be rewarded to a mother of a 3 year old & 4 month old) & write through my feelings with God.
As the days have gone by, my time journaling to God has become one of my favorite times of my day. God doesn't write me off for one mistake, He doesn't take note of everything I forget every day, He doesn't not hold up his end of the deal, He doesn't leave me to handle things on my own. He is there for me to vent to without judgement, He is a secret keeper in a world where those don't exist, He is my peace when so much is thrown my way every day.
I will probably continue to try & please others because it is my personality to want to make others happy, to impress them & to be there for them. I will probably also continue to say yes because I want to be known as reliable & willing. But I will also start allowing myself some grace when I come up short. I will remember that I'm not perfect & quite apologizing to everyone around me for that. I will try & I will fail at multiple things, but I know that if I keep my focus on pleasing God first, I will not fail at everything.